Folder Series: The Scar.

A scar is the natural gauze our body makes to bandage itself. It's a physical reaction to an injury or abrasion. When we see blood, we understand that our body has been struck, it's been punctured in some way. One thing we all forget is how our bodies can hold mental scars. These scars often go unnoticed because we cannot see them. The belief of “seeing it to believe it” can come into play when we are talking about mental health. 

I recently discovered an incredible coping mechanism that the body does intuitively. As humans in this day and age, we are surviving on fight or flight, which means our minds are racing so fast that we become blissfully unaware of what's going on deep down. We live and go about our days with this constant stream of numbness to be able to focus on what is going on around us. This works until it doesn't; the body can only hold itself up for so long. The burnout we feel subconsciously starts to seep through in small ways. It may start with aches and pains, fatigue and headaches, maybe even rough sleeps or loss of appetite. When we disregard our mental state for the outer world, our body adapts; this doesn't mean it's able to match the speed. The body begins to create this scar, a wall of protection from what's really happening under the layers. It's so beautifully crafted, we don't realise it's even happening. 

One day, the body can't take the damage you’ve put it through, so it forces a shutdown. Usually, this manifests as an illness or virus of some sort. This will debilitate you for at least a day or two, depending on how fatigued you are. This is the time our scar starts to break down, the walls fall away, and the submerged damage starts to show through. This can be painful, anxiety-filled, and confusing. This is the part where we are being called to truly listen; the body is finally getting through to you; it's finally able to show you what it needs and where it's hurting the most. It's the time the scar finally starts to heal, and you have slowed down enough to let it. 

I recently experienced this feeling. It was terrifying. My extreme burnout manifested in terrifying ways. It started with whole-body tremors for a week; I was unable to walk and go about my daily life.  It then turned into a virus that ran through my body like wildfire. It affected my body so deeply that I was bedridden for five days straight. This is unusual as I am normally up at 5 am and out until at least 5 pm daily, not including the social life on the weekends, taking up every second. My anxiety had become so bad over the year, but I had no idea. The scar was so thick, so deeply sewn, so tough that I had to completely unravel to truly see what was really going on. 

The body is an incredible machine that utilises incredible energy. We need to remember to treat it like a battery charging our livelihood; we can't just keep living and breathing on autopilot because even that has an expiry date. Rest seems boring, unproductive, and slow. But rest is the most powerful thing our body can do. The restoration, the regeneration and the power up we need is there, we just need to stop, breathe, and accept the act of “being”. 

Life moves so fast, so beautifully. Things happen in the blink of an eye, when we become the present and just be with ourselves through breath, being still, just closing our eyes, we are achieving a form of rest, rejuvenation, and relaxation, our living home needs to survive. There is always a reason to choose yourself when you need to, and there is always time to be soft and silent. Learn to Be, then learn to Live. The scar will always heal; give it time to understand where the healing needs to start.