MOA- Feelings are a Privilege

Feelings are wild. Feelings are scary. Feelings are beautiful. Feelings make us human.

As a species that is created from billions of constant energy sources, our energy clings to the magnetic lines that we call our emotions, which then diversify into feelings. Often our feelings become too much, they overtake our being, and feel as though we are being crushed. It's a painful place to be, it's suffocating, and there seems to be no way out; it's anxiety-riddling and it grips our deepest securities to push us closer toward our insecurities, so our mind can build a wall around our heart in case it gets hurt. Our heart eventually stops hurting, stops yearning, and stops signaling. We close it off to everyone to protect ourselves; our love becomes too dim and the fire begins to dampen. After a while, we are cold and dull, our sense of purpose is on autopilot flying through a cloud that never ends. Our feelings are the signals to our heart; they’re the electrical pulses that shock our nerves every time our mind sends a new emotion through our veins. They're the core of our survival, they're the reason we feel alive. Our mind can often make us feel that our feelings are the problem in situations; that's because the things we feel can be interpreted in many different ways. Our heart wants what it wants, but our body and brain won't always agree.

Sometimes I look at my feelings in a way of disbelief. How can I go from one state of being to the next extreme state of being within seconds? It's terrifying to feel so out of control in your own safe space (your body). I have never known how to deal with my emotions, so much so that I completely locked them away. They had been locked behind so many doors, gates, and walls that I no longer felt the difference between one emotion to the other. It was peaceful, yes, but it was cold. Living with no contact with my heart was an experience I could never explain. I'm sure others who know this feeling will agree that it's quiet and distant. You can sometimes feel the patter of the beats or the rise of your body temperature as the feelings start to grow, but it will dissipate as fast as it started. It's like a temptation grows but gets ripped away as soon as you reach for it.

I learned from a monk that my feelings and the closure around my heart are only hurting me and quite possibly those around me. My cold inside was freezing the warmth of others who were trying to get in. He taught me the importance of sitting with my mind, sitting with my heart, and sitting with my trauma. When I say sitting, yes, I do mean sitting in meditation, but I realized once I learned how to slow my mind down that you don't have to be sitting to speak to your inner self; you just need to find the right calming technique. The importance of finding your inner soul and holding it with all the love you can give is the most extraordinary discovery I have ever made. It opens you up to change, makes room for the warmth to get in, and gives you a sense of peace to hold onto when you truly need it. The inner self is always in the present moment; they're never worried about the future or the past, they are just being, and happy to be, especially being there for you.

Our feelings are there, they are there for a reason. They tell us what our body needs, and they give us the signals that breathe life into us. Our feelings are a privilege. We are just a speck of dust in the great cosmos; we are lucky to feel these incredible bursts of energy gifted to us from the creation of stars, black holes, and even gravitational pull. Our being is a product of our environment, so all feelings are valuable, relative, and important. Never second guess your heart and what it feels, listen to it, because it could just be telling you something incredible.

Love, Sabrina